we’re all thinking it!

An Open Letter to Local Gym Guido

I am writing to inform you that everyone in America besides the kids on Jersey Shore think you’re a fucking tard. I see you at the gym several times a week, you’re there every single time I’m there. I’m not sure if you’re aware of anyone’s presence besides your own, though, so I won’t presume you have a clue who I am.

You know those weird V-Neck tee shirts you wear, even to the gym? Most people think those are creepy. Nobody wants to see your orangey-tanned pectorals which are strangely absent of hair. By the way, it’s not very manly to be as smooth-to-the-touch as me, since I have a vagina. You don’t need to put your patchy (head) hair up in globs of that shiny, smelly gel when you’re at the gym either. It just makes you look like a child molester. Oh that’s right, you DID get charged for sleeping with that minor. What was she… sixteen? But she gave you consent, right? nobigdeal.

I’m sorry, did I bruise your giant ego? I know it’s hard to hear criticisms, but I really think you should listen and take this to heart. For the aforementioned reasons (and many more!), most people tend to gag when you’re present. Shocking, I know. It is what it is.

Sincerely,

that girl whose ass you stare at while I’m running on the treadmill.

P.S. Yeah, I know it’s a nice ass – why do you think I spend my time at the gym?! Doesn’t make you any less creepy for staring (for minutes on end). Yes, I’m aware that you’re obsessively checking me out. Do you really think I’m that dense?

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Wuthering Heights

Wuthering Heights

By Emily Brontë

2011 Edition published by Barnes and Noble, Inc.

122 Fifth Ave. New York, Ny 10011

Genre: fiction/gothic fiction/romance

Length: 328 pages

Rating: 

“Be with me always – take any form – drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!”

 

There are few tales of love and loss that emulate so bluntly the hurt felt in the wake of mistakes. A foundling falls in love with the daughter of his benefactor. Over a brief lifetime, the two are thwarted as lovers until Catherine Earnshaw dies of a broken heart – a process that takes years, literally. Heathcliff is left behind to become an even more cynical, cold man. He doesn’t know how to do anything but make anyone and everyone near him miserable – basically, he’s an asshole. The end.

Haha. Yeah, So here’s the sitch. None of the characters of this book are likeable. In fact, they’re actually annoying. They’re whiney, foolish, stupid, vindictive, self-absorbed, and absolutely unsympathetic. The author is a little presumptuous and the character behavior is rather cliché. I rather disliked this book for these reasons (mainly because the characters actually pissed me the fuck off), but found myself continuing to read. Why? I’ll tell you why.

Because this novel speaks to the death of romantic notions. There is something within the pages of this novel that conveys a deep loss of something that, perhaps, people should’t have lost sight of. The entire book is based around characters who feel a fiery love for someone but wind up quietly accepting what they do not yearn for, accepting an unspeakable heartbreak with it.

I can’t put into words how perfectly Emile Brontë captured how miserable people can truly be, and that is a gift. I think she wrote and successfully conveyed exactly what she intended – a lesson.


My Review of Burton Jet Set Insulated Jacket – Women’s

Originally submitted at REI

The Burton Jet Set insulated women's jacket flatters your curves via a blazer-inspired piece designed to keep you warm and dry when you're jetting down the slopes.

I love it 😀

By Odyssey from Minneapolis, MN on 11/18/2011

 

4out of 5

Chest Size: Feels true to size

Sleeve Length: Feels true to length

Pros: Wind Resistant, Warm, Breathable, Lightweight, Stylish, Waterproof, Durable

Best Uses: Skiing, Snowboarding, Casual Wear

Describe Yourself: Intermediate

Gear Usage: Cold Weather Living, Winter Sports

Was this a gift?: No

I love this jacket. I’d spent three years looking for a jacket that fit me just right and felt great. When I tried this on at REI, I couldn’t say no. The price is reasonable and the product is well worth it. It’s lightweight but warm, and it looks great. I like this coat for everyday use, but I’m taking a trip out to a ski resort in Colorado next month – we’ll see how it fares!

(legalese)


Top 5 Awesome Winter Sports

So it’s getting to be that time of the year – the blistery cold wind is howling and snowfall is imminent. It’s fun to bundle up in – let’s face it – the most comfortable clothes in the entire wardrobe. Cozy is what it’s all about! Winter is kind of a love/hate thing for most people who truly experience it. Some days are gorgeous – trees covered in a layer of sparkly ice and snow, deer leaving tracks in the snow and bounding up to your house to stay near a heat source, bright white light when the sun makes an appearance. However, that’s a small portion of real winter. Most winter days are dreary and unbelievably cold, at least here in MN. Last winter consisted of few days of sunshine and about two to four feet of snow at any given time (give or take), coupled with literally single digit temps and sub zero wind chills. The wind gets so cold it actually burns.

90% of days of the winter season in MN, everyone has to spend 30 mins scraping ice and snow off their cars and shoveling snow away from tires. Then we proceed to deal with cars slipping and sliding all over the damn place like the roads are a pinball machine, due to a sheet of ice about an inch thick. Aaaah, winter. The time of the year when everyone’s fifteen minutes late to work every day – and the boss can’t say a damn thing about it.

So, I know that after the first two weeks or so of snow, MN winters can get pretty depressing. Days are short and cold, so we spend way too much time inside. I’m here to make a list of things to do that will help people like me, who are hellbent on remaining active year round, do just that.

 

Without further ado, I give you:

 

The Amazing List of Winter Wonderful Awesomeness

Or simply,

Crap To Do When There’s Snow

1. Snowboarding or Skiing:

This is TOTALLY how cool everyone looks when doing snowsports.

Granted, this picture is totally glorified (thank you, Google), but you get the idea. Whether you can ski downhill or cross country, it’s a great workout and a lot of fun. Snowboarding, in my opinion, is much easier than skiing, so give both a shot and see which you prefer. You can get all the gear you need for a couple hundred bucks, maybe less if you buy used, and you can keep it for many years – believe me, the gear will probably outlast you.

2. Tubing!!:

It only looks dorky

Yeah, so… you might think it looks totally retarded – but you’d be sorely mistaken. It is probably literally THE most fun you can have all freakin’ winter. Bring your whole family, cousins included, and go rent a few tubes. I guarantee you will spend an entire day doing this shit. My family goes every year, it’s kind of a ritual.

3. Sleigh Rides:

"Mush! You silly horse, mush!!"

Yeah, there’s only two ways to go about this without it being lame. The first is to make a date of it, go with someone you wanna knock socks with. The second is to go with (ironically) your family, especially if there’s kids. They love this crap, and it’s pretty fun to see them get all excited.

4. Snowshoeing:

"Damnit. She told me to follow the trees."

Contrary to what one may believe, this is a serious workout. It can be fun if you bring a group of friends or family with you, so make a day of it and bring food and some extra gear – have a wintertime picnic atop a big hill!

5. Dog Sledding:

"Oh. NOW we say 'mush.'"

Yeah, for real. Ever tried it? Bet you haven’t. It’s actually a lot of fun, especially for those of us who adore anything with fur. A common practice in MN, dog sledding is a winter pastime that probably won’t ever die. If you’re a fan of Siberian Huskies or Alaskan Malamutes, this is something you should look into. This is such a huge (yet oddly unmentioned) hobby that there are marathons every year all along Minnesota’s North Shore. The Beargrease race starts in Duluth, Minnesota and takes a 411 mile trail (Gunflint trail) all the way through Grand Marais and Beaver Bay to the final destination at Grand Portage. I’ve personally seen this route and it is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen to date. The race honors a man named John Beargrease who was the son of an Anishinaabe chief and worked to deliver mail through the North Shore by – you guessed it – dog sled. His route is remembered yearly by many enthusiasts to date.

For your viewing pleasure, here’s a recent video from the Beargrease Race:

 

 


Starlings

 

 

 

In a world that is being demolished and exploited by mankind, there are still moments that make people like me hope that we will not ruin our planet. Not because we won’t try our damnedest, but because nature will balance things, in the end. How could something so beautiful be ruined? This video I’m about to share reminded me of a beautiful poem that I analyzed for my British literature class when focusing on the Romanic Period. It’s called “God’s Grandeur” and was written by Gerard Manley Hopkins, who lived from 1844 to 1889.

 God’s Grandeur
THE WORLD is charged with the grandeur of God.
  It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
  It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;         5
  And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
  And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never spent;
  There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;         10
And though the last lights off the black West went
  Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
  World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

Occupy.

I’ve been inspired to share the plight of the 99%.

I’m a full time college student and part time worker. I work for a mom-n-pops shop trying to stay afloat in a fucked economy. I’m getting a major in journalism and a minor in PR, and I’m terrified ever day. I’m scared of every dollar I incur in debt and the possibility that I won’t be able to pay it back. I’m scared that in pursuit of a decent life, I’ll ruin my chances of said life. I’m angry, and I can’t be silent any longer. I must speak for my generation.

Occupy Wall Street

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


I’m a quitter.

So I’ve recently decided to quit smoking. I’ve also decided that I want to write a blog that will include some info about cigarettes and some helpful hints for fellow quitters winners.

Why are cigarettes addictive?

Well, I know you know this (cuz everyone does) – you can blame the nicotine. Nicotine is a stimulant that releases beta-endorphins, the natural chemical in our brains that makes us feel good. Here’s some stuff you might NOT know about cigarettes. In each ciggy, there’s over 600 chemicals/additives, and the effects of these chemicals actually multiply when we inhale them – in effect, we inhale about 4,000 chemicals (because of the way they mix to produce MORE chemicals).

The purposes of these additives are to

  • improve burning speed and consistency
  • preserve the tobacco
  • improve the flavor
  • and most importantly: to increase/enhance the effects of the nicotine. They basically BOOST the addictiveness of the nicotine.

So now that I’ve got mah edumuhcatin’ outta the way, I can get to the part that you really wanna hear:

6 Useful tips for quitting!

1. Watch this movie: The Insider (1999)

Okay, after you watch that, you’ll be fucking PSYCHED to not spend another penny on cigarettes.

Next on the list is…

2. Load up on fruits and veggies. If you’re like me and you decide to quit cold-turkey, you’ll want to have plenty of healthy foods around while you detox. I found that grapefruit is effing GREAT for nicotine detox, not only because it’s healthy, but it takes time to cut out all the little pieces so it keeps your hands occupied.

3. some sort of candy or gum. When you feel those nasty, nasty cravings and you NEED something to do with your mouth/hands, and you’re not home to eat a grape, eat a candy. Try to avoid becoming dependent on replacing ciggies with candy, so this means you GOTTA try to not eat some every single time you crave. They key is moderation. I use candy only during my WORST cravings. If you can find something fat free, and/or sugar free, go with that.

4. A healthy habit to keep yourself from sitting at home doing nothing, thinking about how much you’d like to smoke. I picked up the habit of riding a bike (27 miles today!) .

5. An iPod app (I’m sure there are hundreds of android equivalents) called SMOQUIT. It tracks everything from money saved by not smoking, to the number of cigarettes you would have smoked since your quit date, to a cessation/goal timeline to help keep you motivated.

Badass App!

6. A really supportive friend/someone who will spend a lot of time with you over the course of several days. Spending my time in someone’s company is probably the MOST helpful of all these tips. There’s plenty of reasons why it’s helpful to have someone around you while you make this life change, but I’m sure that these reasons will vary from one person to the next.

That about sums it up. No matter what you do, it’s going to be a long, hard road to being smoke-free. I will say that it is completely impossible to quit until you are truly ready to commit to your decision, because at the end of the day, these tips I’ve given you are just that – mere tips – they will not guarantee success in your endeavor. At the end of the day, the most important thing you have is your willpower. You MUST commit yourself fully. It’s not easy, but I will say that it’s totally worth it. It’s been a week, and I’m not turning back. Every day gets a little easier and I breathe a little better.